All to Him I Owe

Because each marriage contains two selfish people who fundamentally desire their “own way” (Isaiah 53:6), conflict between a husband and wife is inevitable. When those conflicts surface, we often encounter one or both of the following temptations: to respond to the conflict in a fleshly manner or to reconsider our marriage vows.

Please know today that fleshly solutions never solve spiritual problems between two selfish people. Instead, commit to God and your spouse that you will strive to deal spiritually with every sinful issue that surfaces in your marriage. Romans 8:6-8 reminds us that living carnally, or fleshly, only brings more death and further separation from God. The last thing any of us needs while experiencing conflict with our spouse is to also experience a strained relationship with God. 

Some conflicts between spouses are not solved overnight. It takes time for spiritual problems to be solved with spiritual solutions. The seemingly long amount of time to solve problems causes a lot of couples to grow weary and entertain the possibility of throwing in the towel and quitting on the marriage.

But you and I should remain committed to our marriages for two reasons. First, because marriage is designed by God to be a picture of His relationship with His Church. We offend God when we attempt to destroy His picture. We should be loyal and committed to our spouse because of what marriage represents. 

Second, we should be committed to our marriages because we made a vow to our spouse before God that we would remain married to that person until death parts us.  Our culture would say that divorce is permissible because marriage is fundamentally about your preference; therefore, if your spouse is no longer your preference, then you have every right to end the relationship and look for another. But commitment to our marriage is not a matter of preference; it is a matter of integrity. 

Hallmark defines romance with syrupy phrases that make a person feel really good. I would like to suggest, though, that romance is best communicated with words that communicate security, not “fuzzy” feelings. One of the most romantic things we can do for our spouse is to communicate that we are going to solve problems in spiritual ways and that we are firmly committed to our marriage. 

Love your spouse! Stay faithful to God and each other. Satan is lodging a full-blown war on marriages, but victory is possible with Christ.

This is an excellent article written by Paul Maxwell (Professor at Moody Bible Institute).

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The modern man has a major branding crisis. Most sum him up in one word: lazy. There are different ways to pronounce the word — dependent, wasteful, inept, ungrateful, complacent, unworthy, unimpressive, undisciplined — all with one root: the failure to do. Avoid work, and aim for the bare minimum.

Cycles of laziness eventually turn into cycles of violence. As our muscle for self-denial in work atrophies through inactivity, our ability to deny ourselves in relationships weakens as well. The seed of abusive inclinations is embedded in the selfishness of our laziness. A man who dishonors himself will eventually dishonor others (Proverbs 18:9).

Male laziness, though, is both misunderstood and underestimated by most. Until we understand laziness, we will never be able to work well. We have tried yelling at and mocking men, and that has not worked often or for long. Instead, let’s look at the complexity of laziness to see the deeper business underneath it and how the gospel heals and empowers lazy men.

There are (at least) five vicious cycles that perpetuate male inactivity. Each highlights a different logic behind our tendency toward laziness and complacency.

1. Inefficient Cycle

Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. When guys are inefficient in their planning, working, spending, and sin-fighting, their constant failure can breed the loud message: “You are not competent enough for life.”

At that point, why not give up and check out? Inefficient priorities and methods are working against men. When other men say, “Keep working,” we hear, “Keep trying the same things that haven’t worked,” and “Live a frustrated and unfulfilling life.” So we cease planning, put off work, and remove ourselves from risk. The demands of life increase. And in turn, we retreat even further. At the root of this cycle is insecurity, but the seed is a basic lack of life-skill competence.

The Inefficient Cycle: Incompetence → Effort → Failure → Frustration → Inactivity → Incompetence

2. Overwhelmed Cycle

A man may feel overwhelmed because it all feels like so much. The longer tasks go undone, the more this giant, amorphous mess of uncompleted tasks and unqualified accusation grows. Unfinished work screams, “You’re not a real man!” Undone work excuses unkind self-treatment and unworthy God-worship. It’s easier to avoid a problem than face it head on.

When a man is given too much work without sufficient resources and tools to accomplish the tasks, he’ll shut down. This cycle begins, not so much with inefficiency, but disorganization. The inefficiency cycle lacks tools. The overwhelmed cycle lacks a blueprint. Without the ability to parse and prioritize your workload, almost any task can overwhelm a man.

The Overwhelmed Cycle: Disorganization → Effort → Insufficient Results → Panic → Inactivity → Growing Workload → Disorganization

3. Addiction Cycle

Men are often caught up in an addiction cycle that simultaneously 1) takes up time and energy, and 2) steals the basic ability to perform tasks.

overeating, stealing physical energy

drinking, stealing money and focus

pornographic indulgence, stealing basic spiritual awareness

This cycle often leeches on other cycles — addictions are ways to cope with being stuck. Male avoidance is active, clawing, scraping, and screaming for relief from accusation, for salvation from incompetence, inefficiency, and responsibility. The addiction cycle is the hook that draws a man deep into the dark — men who are weighed down by their shortcomings easily “forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness” (Proverbs 2:13).

The addiction cycle is the latch that often fastens men down in other destructive cycles of laziness. Addiction provides the illusion that divine joy is attainable without God — and with the illusive promise of life-giving rest through addictive indulgence, what need is there for the goodness of work, or (even more absurd) Sabbath rest?

The Addiction Cycle: Fatigue → Indulgence → Satisfaction → Negligence → Growing External Pressures → Craving → Fatigue

4. Unmotivated Cycle

Everyone around us screams, “Work!” So men just do, and quickly realize how purposeless work is as an end in its own. Why work? Peer pressure will last only so long. A failure to give a justified, or purposeful, or existentially compelling reason for work gives men an excuse to just stop working. The question isn’t, “Why are men so lazy?” but, “Why haven’t men found something worth working for?”

Without motivation — without purpose — what reason does a man have to do anything at all? The longer the unmotivated man remains sedentary, the more convinced he is that work simply isn’t worth it.

The Unmotivated Cycle: Lack of Motivation → Inactivity → Work Seems Harder → Work Seems Less Worth the Effort → Lack of Motivation

5. Hobby Cycle

Guys today have a quarter-life crisis and get into biking, shooting, fishing, gaming, or lifting. Guys do stuff now not to provide, but to convince the world (and maybe themselves) that they are just as worthwhile as their hard-working fathers. They are in a cycle of what David Powlison calls innocent pleasures. “The innocent pleasures work in exactly the opposite way as the addictive cycle. It takes less and less to push the lever of joy. Less stimulus is needed for greater joy.”

What do we need for real joy? Well, what is real joy (for the lazy hobby guy)? It is joy that gets us through life. Not the joy of living, but of surviving. What does that surviving-joy look like for the lazy man? Avoiding more and more work — escaping into a hobby. Hobbies can be good gifts from God, but men were made to work. Proficient entertainment cannot replace profession in the fight to live. “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied” (Proverbs 13:4).

The Hobby Cycle: Hobby → Excuses Not to Work → More Time for Hobby → More Hobby → Less Interest in Work → More Hobby

A Hammer, Not a Gavel

This may feel like an atomic bomb of judgment to some. Seeing more of my own laziness has certainly felt that way to me. If we’re honest, though, the lazy man hates himself, and so we will work as hard to avoid condemnation as we do to avoid work. The truth about our laziness, however, is not a final gavel of guilt, but a tool — a hammer, even — for escaping the shackles of our life-stealing lethargy.

Before we can escape patterns of laziness, we need to understand patterns of laziness: We’re shackled by cycles of sin — retreat and repeat — and they’re not easy to escape. We need to know what we need — where and how God’s grace comes to the lazy man.

The wise king knows, “The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way, but the folly of fools is deceiving” (Proverbs 14:8). What is the first thing a lazy man can do to find his way out of laziness? He can know with personal nuance and practical specificity the position that he is in “to discern his way.”

And the grace of God begins slowly, gradually, and inch by inch. Stay in the fight. There is hope for a way out of your cycle — out of the weight that keeps you in bed, in front of the TV, out of your workplace and church. Your story is far from over.

Summer is quickly approaching and with that comes the planning of a family vacation! I love and look forward to our family’s annual vacation and have already begun to count down the days. My hope is that each of our families here at FBC will find time this summer to take an intentional time of rest and time together making memories as a family.

Some families love trendy vacations like Disney Land, Sea World, cruises, etc. They love to be active, stand in lines, eat out, fill every waking hour, and come home tired! Other families choose less trendy vacation spots. They like lakes, beaches, and places with no lines and no activities. I am definitely a less trendy vacation guy. I like rest, no schedule, and lots of quiet. The purpose of my email today is not to persuade everyone to vacation like me. My purpose is to give you a few thoughts that I hope will encourage you to simply take a much needed vacation and use it well this summer.

1. The difference between a forgettable vacation and and unforgettable vacation is not the location or attractions. The difference is the attitude of the family! A stay-cation can be just as memorable and enjoyable as a trip to Disney Land if the attitude of love permeates a family. Note the words of Solomon in Proverbs 15:17 and make sure you go into vacation with an attitude of love.

2. Study your family before you plan your vacation! Each year brings new challenges to our homes. Our kids get older and develop cognitively, and their strength and health changes. Study your family to see what plan of vacation best helps the particular season of life your family is in. A new mom with young children may need a week of physical rest more than a week of activity. A home filled with energetic junior highers and teens may greatly benefit from a vacation that leaves the kids tired at the end of each night. There is great wisdom in Mom and Dad sitting down and giving careful thought to the current needs of the family and planning a vacation accordingly. Don’t get trapped in the thinking that you must do a vacation just like everyone else is doing. Every family is unique. You do what God would deem best for your family right now.

3. Keep your vacation affordable. A vacation that puts you in debt is a surefire way to put a damper on your family vacation. A wife or husband that spends the vacation wondering, “How are we paying for all of this?” will be distracted from enjoying his or her family and being at rest. The memories of a fun-filled vacation fade away when we get back and begin looking at the bills from the trip. A slim budget doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! It may just mean you have to work harder at being creative in your planning.

Family vacations are FAMILY vacations! They are supposed to be about being together, deepening relationships, laughing together, playing together, and making memories. You may not have much money to spend on vacation this summer, but you can have a low-budget vacation that is wealthy in what matters–developing a stronger bond together and with the Lord. Don’t worry about comparing what you do with the people next door. You do what is best for your family within your means and for the right reasons.

I hope God enables each of you to build some “family equity” this summer.

Beneth and I were both educated in traditional classrooms of education. Upon entering the ministry, we both found ourselves teaching and administrating in a Christian school. When we moved to Folsom five years ago, we chose to break from our experiences of education and chose to educate our girls at home. The choice to homeschool has been far more difficult than we anticipated but also far more profitable than we imagined. Because neither of us was experienced in homeschooling, we sought the advice of others and have given careful observation to families who have seemed to succeed at homeschooling their children. Through that observation, I have noted five things that successful homeschooling families all seem to have in common. In light of the many families within our church that are starting a new year of homeschooling with their children, I pass this on to you today with the hope that it is a help.

1. Successful homeschoolers are motivated by conviction, not convenience. The conveniences of homeschooling range all the way from determining your own schedule and pace of a school year to choosing your own dress code for the day. But as a school year progresses and as our children enter higher grades with tougher subjects, the conveniences of homeschooling begin to fade away. The family that has chosen to homeschool out of a conviction that this is God’s will for them will find a stronger ability to stick with it when the conveniences are not so evident.

2. Successful homeschoolers choose a Bible-based curriculum and stick with it. The market is filled with all kinds of educational curriculum. Those curriculums contain a wide variety of price, difficulty, emphasis, and philosophy. Successful homeschoolers put a high premium on the selection of curriculum. When given the choice between saving a few dollars or obtaining a Bible-based curriculum, the successful homeschooling families choose a Bible-based one. In addition to choosing a good curriculum, they also choose to stick with it and see the scope and sequence of that curriculum all the way through. Try to avoid getting caught up in the marketing ploys of publishers. Find a good curriculum and stick with it.

3. Successful homeschoolers guard against social exclusivity. Exclusivity is sometimes born out of fear – a fear of the sinful world around us and its potential influence. Sometimes it is born out of pride that believes one can ignore Biblical institutions (like the local church) and raise children alone. There are select fringes of the homeschooling movement that foster a mentality of exclusivism that pulls families away from social interaction with the world and committed participation in a local church. The successful homeschooling families that I have observed work hard at not being exclusive. They strive to instill in their children a burden for the lost world and an evangelistic unction to reach that world with the Gospel. They joyfully participate and commit to a local church and teach their children to be discerning about peer dependence, while also emphasizing peer interaction. Most homeschooling families I know have chosen a community to interact with as a family. That community ranges from sports leagues, Scout troops, orchestras, theatre clubs, sometimes even just a particular fellowship of homeschooling families. The greatest community we can be a part of is our own local church. Don’t let your involvement in extracurricular communities eliminate your ability to be a part of your church community.

4. Successful homeschoolers strive for structured flexibility. The shouldering of responsibility to train our children at home is huge! The teaching, scheduling, and administrating of homeschooling can be extremely overwhelming. Add the management of a home, work responsibilities, church involvement, and extended family obligations; and you have a full schedule. The choice to homeschool includes a choice to be disciplined and regimented in getting the task done. One of the conveniences of homeschooling is the ability to be flexible, but flexibility cannot reign to the expense of finishing the required subjects and making sure education is actually happening. Children need the parents to set the structure and enforce it. Successful homeschooling families don’t allow education to slip, because they have failed to be disciplined in maintaining a structure.

5. Successful homeschoolers trust God, not their methods of education. The educational path we choose for our children will impact our children but not determine our child’s outcome. Godly children have come from more traditional school environments like public or private education. The method of education does not guarantee a particular outcome in our children’s lives. Successful homeschooling families all seek to trust God for the outcome of their children. They pray, plead, and present Biblical truth to their children while maintaining a full trust in God.

Homeschooling is hard work! Successful homeschooling doesn’t happen accidently. I’m praying today for the many families of our church that have begun a new school year. May the Lord bless your efforts and raise up a great generation of God-fearing children to be used in the harvest fields of ministry.

“Dad, can I ask you a question?”

In our house, we are in a season of parenting in which we hear this question frequently. On a recent, two-day camping trip with the girls, I counted a minimum of twelve times that they asked me that question. All children are naturally inquisitive. They are observing, processing, and coming to conclusions. One of our many jobs as parents is to be teachers that provide them with the answers that help them grow and mature appropriately.

Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” According to this verse, there is a 24-hour nature to our teaching responsibility. It doesn’t just happen during a block class or a designated time. The instruction of our children is to happen as we live alongside them day in and day out.

Because of this 24-hour responsibility, it is imperative that we consider two items. First, we must take responsibility for creating a teaching atmosphere in our family that is conducive to this 24-hour teaching. Second, we must also learn to recognize the multitude of teachable moments that surface throughout the day, and seize them. May I share with you today a few thoughts that I’m learning and aspiring to implement that might be a help to you as parents?

In order to create a teaching atmosphere, consider implementing the following two things:

1. Create seasons of life and times in a day that are free from excessive busyness and noise. Fewer and fewer homes are experiencing seasons of rest and quiet. The extracurricular activities are consuming the schedule. The noise of television, video games, and music blasts through homes, creating a difficult atmosphere to just talk and listen. Most of us are schedulers. We operate with a calendar close by, and schedule our lives events. Would you consider beginning to schedule times of quiet and rest? Every classroom teacher knows the value of well-rested children, who have learned to sit still and listen quietly.
2.  Strive for good parent/child interaction. It is easy in the busyness of life to just allow the television to do our babysitting for us. When life is busy, we want to send kids to their room or to the yard to get out of our hair so we can accomplish our tasks. If we make a regular habit of these things, we can subtly train our children to stay away from us, because they are a distraction. But, in reality, we ought to want them to be around (especially as they get into their teen years).

The following are some “walkest-by-the-way” teachable moments to use:

1. The follow-up conversation after our children observe bad examples. Have you ever watched a child have a tantrum in the store? Have your kids ever seen someone lose their cool in the check-out line? Those bad examples can often be a great opportunity to follow up with a simple conversation that helps our children know what was done wrong and what should have been done.
2. The follow-up conversation after our children observe good examples. Acts of kindness, gratitude, good behavior, and sweet responses of others can be great opportunities to teach our children. Commend those acts, and explain why they were good!
3. Preparation for life events. A friend of mine taught me and Beneth a simple principle in parenting: practice in private what you expect in public. Anytime you are about to participate in a public event (church service, dinner at someone’s home, a visit to grandma’s, etc.), take some time ahead of the event to teach and practice behaviors that are expected in those times.
4. First-hand exposure to people who have had interesting life experiences. I enjoy having people in our home, and I love watching our girls sit and listen to the stories of missionaries who visit us. I like watching their eyes as they hear adults tell of their life experiences. Our girls have heard stories and learned truths from people sitting at our dinner table that they will never forget.
5. Answer their regular questions with patience, love, and truth.  Inquisitive children want answers, and if they don’t get them from us, they will look somewhere else for them. Teachable moments occur every time our children ask questions. Many teachers in the world give wrong answers. But it is imperative that we follow the Deuteronomy 6:7 exhortation and grasp the task of being parents that teach as we “walk by the way.”

May the Lord give us the strength, energy, and wisdom to be great teachers to our children this week.

Beneth and I have personally experienced two home break-ins during our marriage. Those break-ins created a series of little habits in our lives like always keeping one light on, double-checking locks when we go to bed at night, and quickly looking at all the windows as soon as we walk into our home to see if they have been opened. We do those things because those break-ins have created a sense of vulnerability in us.

Vulnerability is the sense that I have a limited ability to protect myself from harm. The terrorist attack on 9/11 reminded our nation that we are vulnerable. The bombs that went off during last week’s marathon reminded us again of our vulnerability. We are also reminded of our vulnerability as we read our local newspapers describing various crimes that have occurred to people who live where we do and live like we do.

The sense of vulnerability creates a common question among us: “How much personal protection should I have in my life?” The secondary questions that follow that question are questions like how many guns should a person own, how big a security system should we have on our home, and should I buy a German shepherd or a Rottweiler?

Proverbs 21:30-31 gives us a starting point to help us answer these questions regarding security and personal protection. It says, ” [v. 30] There is no wisdom nor understanding nor counsel against the LORD. [vs.31] The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD.” Verse 30 simply reminds us to never fight against God, and verse 31 reminds us to never fight without God.

Owning a gun or having a security system on your home is not inherently wrong. But we cannot place a higher level of trust in those types of things than we do in God. If we do trust those things more than we trust God, we are demonstrating a fight against God. If we trust those things because we doubt God’s ability to protect us, than we are trying to fight without Him.

I heard someone say this one time, “I’ve done all I can do; now I guess it is time to start trusting Him.” He articulated what we often practice. We prepare ourselves, and then begin to trust God. Preparing for the day of battle is not wrong, but I must be trusting God while I’m preparing, not just when I’ve finished preparing.

When we contemplate the question, “How much protection should I have in my life?” I want you to remember this little principle.

Prepare with moderation while trusting God

for the duration.

 Vulnerability can often produce fear in the lives of believers. Remember as a Christian that safety is not the absence of danger but rather the presence of God. We are never left alone or overlooked by God. Don’t let fear paralyze you and keep you from doing the will of God this week. The safest place to be is in the will of God. The most dangerous place to be is out of the will of God.

It is the most difficult of maneuvers. There are no guarantees of success. And the stakes are high. But we have no choice: we must learn how to do it.

How do you disarm an angry person?

The angry person could be a child, parent, spouse, friend, neighbor or counselee. And, of course, we could use a little disarming ourselves sometimes.

It all depends on your preparation. Our most common responses to anger are either fear or anger – responses that have very little potential to disarm anyone. When you retreat or withdraw in fear, the angry person still has the loaded gun, and will keep it handy because the one with the gun wins. All they have to do is brandish their side arms around and angry people get what they want. The cycle never ends.

Following the old fight or flight tradition, others respond to angry people by getting out their own guns. After all, justice demands a fair fight. If the angry person is going to wave a gun, you will wave yours too. The problem here is fairly straightforward: someone is going to get hurt and since the angry person is likely to be more skilled and experienced than you, you are the one who gets shot. And yes, as in the cartoons, you get up to fight another day, but people are still shooting each other.

Your preparation for a more effective confrontation is counterintuitive, as are most of God’s ways. Humility is the way of strength. Weakness is the new unstoppable force. “A gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). The cross of Jesus Christ changes everything. Satan himself – the angriest in all creation – is disarmed through self-sacrificial humility. The way to be a true human being, in all its strength, is now portrayed clearly in Jesus and is available through the Spirit.

For us, this path begins as we hold loosely to our desires. For example, most of us want something from the angry person – love and respect are high on that list. There is nothing wrong with wanting love and respect, but you would do best to shoot them yourself before the other person does. You will find that you won’t die. Instead, as you put to death the things that you want from the angry person, you will notice—perhaps for the first time—a hint of freedom and even boldness. When you have nothing to lose you can perform some unusual feats of strength.

Think about it. The angry person is screaming about how you are such an idiotic jerk, and if you aren’t as concerned with pleasing people or bolstering your own reputation, you can respond with something other than anger or fear. If the angry person’s pleasure or your own reputation is critical to you, you will be controlled by the angry person. So kill these before the other person shoots. The result is that there is nothing left to shoot, and you are free to speak from a place of weakness and say something like:

“Could you help me to see how I am an idiotic jerk – I will listen to you if you want to talk about it.” (Important note: NO sarcasm).

“What’s wrong?”

Or, you might decide that, at that moment, you can’t say anything to the deranged gunslinger, because you don’t have a clue what to say and the angry person has become an utter, animal-like fool, so you raise the anger incident later. With nothing to loose, your options are endless.

Track the life of Jesus and you will see that he was never angry because of the insults and derision of the religious leaders. He never took the attacks of others personally. That’s what happens when you live to enhance the Father’s reputation, you empty yourself of any interest in your own personal honor and reputation, and you love other people more than they love you. That’s what happens when you know that your Father is the perfect judge, so you don’t have to be the judge pro tem.When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. (1 Peter 2:23)

Here is how to move forward.

1. Don’t minimize the destruction of anger. You are getting shot at! Of course it hurts.
2. You are setting out to learn a disarming strategy that takes humility and love, and this is way over your head. As such, “Lord have mercy on me” is the order of the day.
3. Remember that angry people are blind to their own anger. They are the last to know that they are killing people. Instead, all they see is that they are right and others are wrong. Assume that they are spiritual lunatics.
4. Divest yourself of all the things you desire and cherish for yourself. Do you want love? Toss it and keep only the necessities, such as the desire to love. Do you need respect and understanding? It will only be an encumbrance. Get rid of it.
5. Move toward the angry person in love and humility. Fear runs away, anger attacks. Humility and love move toward. In a surprise attack they blindside angry people with weakness. Your timing will be important. Sometimes you can say something while the gun is aimed. Other times you will wait and speak later.
6. The person’s anger could have many reasons – you being one. But murderous anger is always wrong. At some point, from your place of love and humility, you will hold up the mirror and help angry people see themselves (Matthew 7:5).

There are four tools of communication within the lives of couples that often go overlooked.

1. A calendar: Our families are busy. They are running from place to place and often communicating on the run. There is great value in stopping (at least once a week) to sit down as a couple and go over the calendar. Use the calendar to help you prioritize your tasks and pace yourselves. Strive to be on the same page with your partner going the same direction for the same reasons.

2. A budget: Your budget is an indicator of your values. It is also a guide to properly administrating your values. As a couple, sit down and map out your financial values and determine a budget. Then strive to continually update each other through communication on how you are doing in the administration of those values. I have personally found that scheduling a weekly conversation with my wife to discuss the calendar and the budget can be a big help in keeping us on the same page.

3. The kitchen table: Some people use their kitchen table as nothing more than extra storage. Meals are eaten in front of the television in the living room. Clean off your table, prepare (or purchase) a meal and sit down together to eat and talk! If you have a family with children use the kitchen table as a time to talk, listen, and teach.

4. Sermons and Devotions: My wife and me have never been good at reading to each other. However, we have greatly enjoyed discussing together the things we have learned from sermons and our own devotions. After you leave church use the sermon you just heard as a tool to communicate with each other what you learned. Periodically ask your partner what they are learning from their devotions. There is a sweetness to the conversation that is centered on the truths of God being shared with each other.

H – Honor your parents by obeying their guidelines and requests. (Ephesians 6:1-2)

A – Accountability helps prevent you from falling, not just a consequence after you have fallen.

N – No secrets! (Passwords, deleting history, hidden apps, etc.) You should live in a way that your phone could be picked up at any time and examined.

D – Don’t allow the phone to create a “bubble” around you. Use your headphones sparingly! Don’t become so engrossed in a game you forget their are people around you.

L – Let relationships around you take the priority over “virtual” ones. Don’t keep interrupting conversations to check your phone. Learn the art of “conversation” and “observation.”

E – Every word is noted and remembered by God. So use your words wisely when texting. (Matthew 12:36)

I’ve found that this time of year can be very difficult for families. Some of my most unusual counseling situations have come during the weeks prior to Christmas. Over the years, I’ve made a habit of sharing tips in an effort to help folks keep the Holidays Happy, rather than Horrible.  

1. Budget now, not in the midst of the season. Go into this season of giving with a knowledge of what you can afford, and then stick to your budget.

2. Be pro-active in setting expectations ahead of time. Remember, you know your situation and needs best. Go into family activities, vacations, etc. pro-actively planning what is best for your family’s physical and spiritual needs.

3. A creative gift can be better than a costly gift. Give your gifts some thought. Don’t limit yourself to only spending money on the things you give or do with family. Creativity can be a special, memorable gift.

4. Let “variety” be your tradition. Changes happen in a  family that often make it difficult to do the same thing every year. If we are not careful, our “traditions” can become so important that they overshadow the whole point of Christmas. Let variety be your tradition that enables you to easily adapt to the changing needs of your family, season after season, while always keeping Christ as the real reason behind the season.